Death by Zumba

I didn’t want to go to the gym tonight, but I forced myself by reminding myself that I have never regretted the decision to work out. Going to do something at the gym, such as the 6:30 Zumba class I decided to take, has always ended up being a good decision. Until tonight.

I’ve taken Zumba classes in the past. I’ve even liked a few of them. Recently my daughter Veronica has been taking Zumba classes at a different gym and loving them. And, the results of her workouts are definitely visible. She’s toning up and slimming down; two benefits I was hoping to gain by starting to go to Zumba classes religiously, beginning tonight. And ending tonight.

The teacher was a kangaroo. She never stopped jumping for an entire hour. Each jump was at least three feet off the floor. If you’ve never taken a Zumba class, it’s important to note that you are expected to do a minimum of about 500 movements per every Latin beat. Now, try to insert a three-foot jump into the middle of all of those movements and you’ve pretty much got it down.

When the teacher just had us do basic steps, I was fine. But she had to add the damn jumping into everything. Then she added arm movements to the basic steps and jumps. And sometimes we were supposed to turn completely around 360 degrees whilst performing steps and arms mid-air, landing perfectly where we began.

I kept looking at the clock, thinking “When will this torture be over?” It was the longest hour of my life.

A co-worker of mine had recently told me that this particular teacher had a unique style that was different and refreshing compared to other Zumba classes she had taken. I now think that that co-worker doesn’t like me very much. She could have warned me that “unique” was code for “crazy”; “different” was code for “life-threatening”; and “refreshing” was code for “I hate you.”

I know that if I am in pain now; after a long, hot bath with Epsom salts, tomorrow’s pain will only be a smidge of what I will feel in two days. It’s all I can do to type on my computer. I am going to bed now, anticipating dreams of kangaroos jumping in my head.

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